Use Your Customer Service Skills to Improve Your Marriage

By Mary Lou Green | Assessment


The longer you live together, romance can change to no-mance. 

You don’t notice how you gradually stop complimenting your partner or quit helping each other around the house. You don’t turn down the bed covers anymore or kiss each other goodnight or hug before you leave for work. You disagree about what the kids should eat or when they should go to bed. Irritations lead to anger. You stop listening to each other about a problem at work or something troubling you regarding the kids.

Now think about the extra things you do to keep your customers. Do you ignore their calls or return them right away? Do you ship their orders on time or let them slide? Do you avoid them or create opportunities to meet with them and find ways to provide the best service possible to keep their business? Do you forget their birthdays, or remember them by entering them into your smartphone?


If you compare how you treat your customers with how you treat your partner, who comes out ahead? You know how to give your customers your best customer service. Doesn’t your true love deserve the same?

Treat your true love like a customer? It sounds so unromantic, so cold and businesslike. That’s the point.

In business we are focused. We have goals and we expend energy every day to achieve those goals. That’s how we progress, achieve satisfaction and make money.

Marriage is supposed to be organic with love flowing freely between the two of you. But is it? If you think of all the tasks associated with the business side of marriage such as paying bills, keeping up with kids’ schedules, providing daily meals, doing household chores, keeping up the yard, doing car maintenance and seeing friends and relatives, you see that it consumes most of the time outside of work. When do you actually focus on your marriage the way you focus on your business?


Treating your partner like a customer brings your partner into focus. The Customer Rule declares, “Do unto your partner according to their needs, not yours.” It invites you to ask yourself, “What can I do to make sure my partner has a better day?”

It follows that you must learn what your customer needs. Successful companies spend substantial amounts of money on research and development to bring new and innovative products to market. You can make the same commitment to keeping love fresh by consistently bringing new ways of caring to your relationship.

The more you can minimize the demands of the business side of marriage, the more time you have to enjoy one another and feed your relationship. The more you lighten your partner’s burden, the more they will appreciate you and want to spend time with you. Finding ways to delight one another even if it’s just taking out the garbage without being reminded or filling up the car with gas before the warning light comes on can reduce the daily frictions that interfere with communication, romance and intimacy.

The first step in delivering passionate care to your partner is assessment. How much do you know about your true love’s needs? In business, we call it market research. Unless you ask for feedback from your customer, you won’t know how to give them passionate care. To build a stronger relationship by satisfying each other’s needs, you must first discover what those needs are. “Nothing can be changed until it is faced,” wrote James Baldwin. Quit guessing and start asking.

Click on this link to get a free assessment. Discover how you can be a better partner and create the marriage of your dreams.

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